By my count, the total was 17 gathered at Alison’s this week and nobody in civvies. Fiona was without Elwyn, who was at home with a bad back, she had braved 13 miles to get to Alison’s. I had a route that was unusually flat for me, in fact, pan flat, as it was more in the tradition of a classic CER ride, with plenty of pathways, tow paths and ‘rights of way’.
However, my route wasn’t without its risks, besides riding with the Chuckle Brothers that is, as we would have to survive the radiation threat, stray bullets, sheep and waterlogged decking boards-Lol, more about that later-Lol. There was a stiff south westerly, that was only going to get stronger, which required a bit of wind whispering - Lol.
My destination
would therefore be, Burton Manor cafe.
I had a full compliment of mod+ riders starting with Kev (such a nice man) - Shane ( the groups lunch time entertainer & clown, more on that later) Chris ( just made it in time again) & the Chuckle Brothers of course. We set off right out of Alison’s and got into a nice steady rhythm with the wind behind us, which for some seemed to be a bit pacey. Allan (CB 1) asked if I’d had spinach for breakfast because he was struggling to keep up- come on, it was flat, with the wind, of course it’s quick- to be expected that ‘the mugger ’ would complain- Lol. It wasn’t long before we were in Waverton and watching the ominous dark cloud forming to our left, which a mile or so later started to drizzle. We pulled into Meadow Lea for a con flab on the weather. However, within a minute of stopping I then made the unilateral decision to get going again, as I needed to be back by 3pm and I reckoned there was a hint of blue sky coming- Lol.
Only 2 minutes
later we stopped for rain jackets, because I was with a bunch of
tarts-Lol.
We were now in
the very wet village of Guildon Sutton, which meant we were catching more water
from the road than the sky, as they seemed to have had a deluge.
No sooner out of the village we enter Picton Lane, which was closed and a few hundred mtrs later we found out why ( flooded, a burst water main, we were clearly doomed to get wet - Lol). We were able to get by and only a mile or so further, I stopped to take my jacket off, only to realise I had lost everybody and turned back. Apparently they were having a tea party or something, I never did find out what the reason was.
Now tackling our
biggest climbs of the day (2 or 3 bridges over the motorway around Cheshire
Oaks-Lol).
Anyway, time to turn into the wind and therefore left at Little Stanney in order to head along the 2 miles of cycle path, in order to get to Dunkirk Lane, where I point out Fox’s Tea Rooms, just a hundred mtrs closer to Costco. Now we can settle into some nice lanes, which provided pretty good protection against the wind, almost unnoticeable in fact. It wasn’t long before we were passing the nuclear processing plant, where you get that warm fuzzy feeling all over and strangely always need to pee within a few mtrs of passing it (our first risk of the day- Lol)
We crack on, or I did, trying to encourage the pace, but some were decidedly jaded it seemed.
Strangely it was Mr ‘Just in time’ who was having difficulty. The young blood
couldn’t keep up with the old guys quote; “just an off day” Then he blamed a
game of football the night before- just don’t make youngsters like they used
to, football, I ask you-Lol, Lol.
Shortly after rallying the troops on another regroup, Allan took to the front on one of his classic short spurts and I seized my opportunity to deliberately stick close to his back wheel in order to keep him on the front-Lol. We were now only a mile or so from our lunch destination, which meant Steve came to the front as is his way, clearly he could sense the cafe was close- Lol. Just as we arrived Chris passed me in an effort to beat Steve to the front of the queue-Lol.
Although we set
up camp outside, we ended up inside, due to the annoying wasps, although not
before the hilarity started after I got the Spanish Inquisition from CB1 when I
told everybody about Nick, a contestant on the TV show ‘Destination X’. He has
the proud claim of being the first person to have run a marathon in
every!!country, in the world!( hard to believe, I know hence, why I was telling
the story) However CB1 knew better, virtually calling me a liar (I was
reiterating a stated fact on a TV show- come on!)
This prompted a
few slagging comments and more than a few laughs, after CB 1 insisted on
looking it up on the internet- Lol.
Now inside and
tucking into our various choices, the frivolity prevailed, with some completely
vacant on the jokes. Yes, you guessed it, the Chuckle Brothers of course.
Our ring master
for the day was Shane, who I thought was going to bust a rib at one point. Both
he and I found it particularly funny when a women in the far corner started to
admire her newly purchased retractable tape measure, as she was extending it
across the cafe. It was clearly a very pretty tape measure, with nice big
numbers. Perhaps she was checking all the numbers were there- Lol.
Just as the laughter was dying down and Chris swiped my chocolate cake, the Chuckle Brothers woke up, wondering what all the laughter was about-Lol. CB 2 had an excuse as he had his back to the women, but CB 1 was facing directly at her and didn’t see a thing-Lol. Anyway, it was time to halt the fun and frolics and get underway.
We turned left out of the cafe and immediately turn left down Station Road towards what I call The Wash. However, no sooner had we turned when I heard the chatter box shout from the back, where he was all day BTW, he claimed he was helping Chris- Lol. Anyway he demanded we stop and admire a small pond in the woods.
Ok, it was a very old pond, but did we need to stop- Lol. Turned out to be 8 or 900 years old can you believe, Allan didn’t of course, but there was no internet in the woods, so he remained a disbeliever, despite the photographic evidence below- Lol, Lol.
After what must
have been our tenth stop on this adventure, we finally get going again and
through the first kissing gate on to what I think is NT land, I believe. Where
the sheep lurk, ready to pounce on the unwary cyclists and where the occasional
ricochet might be heard off the military range (our second and third risk-Lol.)
However, before
the range, we had to negotiate a hundred Mtrs of chattering decking boards,
which actually keep the wheels above the waterline and yet another risk, on
occasions- Lol.
After a few more scenic miles and a brief passage through the industrial backwater of Deeside and past the Toyota plant beyond, we reach the Greenway on route to the river Dee towpath. Time for a nice 5 mile blast, due to a cross tailwind, but alas, only Shane was interested. So, after a few regroups, on every bridge, we eventually get to Chester and we say goodbye to Chris, as he headed home.
After a few more
decking boards, along the river front, we reach the race course.
Kev then lead the way onto the cobbles under the Roman wall and on to the corniche-Lol ( slipping back into my Middle East days) All back together again we cruise along the river front and up the hill, beside the Boat House pub. However, not everybody got the memo-Lol. For some reason, both Kev and I end up outside the Bike Factory, ready to cross the road, but everybody else ended up there in dribs and drabs. We eventually regroup and head down the hill and up through Huntington.
I turn left for
Saighton, with Kev in tow and the others dragging their heels again-Lol.
Did I mention I
needed to get back for 3pm hence, I kept pushing the pace on all day. It was
now just past 2:40pm and 6 miles to go, so I was not about to ease up. However,
I got carried away by Bruera and realised I had lost Kev and the others. I
turned back on Platts Lane and see Kev come into sight. It turns out the 3
remaining amigo’s decided to carry on into Holt as that was where Steve left
his car. Shaun followed suit because he was obviously feeling the pace and
needed to trim a mile or 2 off the route and go directly home and of course CB1
wouldn’t leave his brother- Lol,Lol,Lol.
Now Kev and I had
got rid of the deadwood - Lol, we could push on and I might still make my
deadline. Kev, bless him ( what a nice man) urged me to push on and leave him,
which I thanked him for and off I went, except I didn’t- Lol. He caught me up
within a couple of hundred mtrs. I didn’t have the legs, somewhat
embarrassingly.
So there was
nothing for it but to jump on his wheel and take advantage of a tow for the
last 4 miles into Tattenhall (how nice, you can come again Kev- such a nice
man-Lol)
We said our
goodbyes at Alison’s with 15.6mph and 46 miles on the clock. I got home after
50 miles and bang on 3pm, just as Paula was getting in the car- perfect, like
the rest of the day to be fair.
Despite the rain
and lack of hills, I really enjoyed the route.
The company was
exceptional, with everybody taking some stick-Lol.
It was a great
cafe stop for more than one reason -Lol.
Thoroughly
enjoyable day.
Till next time
ladies-Lol
Neil,
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