Well, where do I start? Everything about the day was a tad strange, not least of which was the unexpected great weather. It should have rained but it didn’t and the wind didn’t blow either. However, what a group of misfits we had today & there were only 7 in total, ranging from the most burdened soles to the most shameless cheats on the planet- Lol Lol. More about that later.
Alison’s was the venue this week and rumour has it that most of the club were either on holiday or a bit under the weather. With no fast boys or Mod+ individuals, it left a single easy rider group of 7. Both Steve T and I had ideas on a route. However, DH needed to get back home to look after the broken elephant or was it a shaggy dog, the many conversations of the day are now a little confusing. There was definitely an elephant in there somewhere- Lol. Anyway, after a brief discussion about the pros and cons of each route and the expected rain at 2pm, my proposal for a shorter than usual, small hills ride, back to Alison's for lunch, seemed more appropriate and it really suited DH. The rest of us could then wing a few more miles after lunch, so everybody is happy. And of course, I had promised a lovely quiet scenic meander, with a few new lanes that I reckoned none of the group had ridden before. This was later confirmed, even DH had not ridden one or two of them.
So it was that DH, Steve T, Ebike Ray, George, Dave P, Andy and I set off on my all time favourite, small hill, local route. A favourite because of the general quality of the lanes, lack of cars and country scenary, not to mention a few small bumps- Lol. We set off left out of Alison’s and up the hill, over the A41, toward Carden Park and Tilston beyond. We were soon passing Old Castle Heath and heading up a slight incline when it became apparent that most of the group were wondering where I was leading them as we had turned left and right numerous times- Lol.
Just as we turned right, for the nth time into The Wychough (strange name for a lane) and a routine regroup, I informed the group that the promised hill, was just 2 miles away, where upon George piped up, thinking he had already climbed the hill- Lol. I assured him the hill (not a climb- Lol) was within his capable years - Lol. 5 minutes later after a quick plunge into Lower Wych, we were soon on Wigland Hall Lane and after a bit of puffing and blowing, ST claimed the KOM honours, as he crested the 1k bump in the terrain, with yours truly close on his tail (drafting- Lol). Ray was first up, but he doesn’t count of course, with his electric advantage - Lol, although that didn’t stop him commenting about his legs, which made ST & I chuckle.
We were in fact slowly circumventing DH’s favourite Malpas, although not many knew it - Lol. Hope he appreciated my efforts - Lol. It was about this time that ST mentioned that my table booking for 1 pm was a little ambitious, which led us to both push on without the others, but not before a few more miles around some very quiet lanes. Once through Bradley Lane, we cross the A41 at what is effectively No Man’s Land, but we now had a few miles of yet more favourite lanes. I deviate from my route, slightly and take Grotsworth Lane, as I was aware of a very wet muddy flood on the adjacent lane, only because I got caught in it the day before - Lol. This lane dropped us into the back entrance of Cholmondley Castle; queue, team photo from ST.
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| Cholmondley Castle - Photo by Steve T |
It was at this point that the sneaky tactics of a certain older gent, who shall remain nameless, raised their head - Lol. George! Suggested we should try and make our lunch table on time and encouraged me to push on, the last 8 miles. Little did we know that this was simply a ploy to cheat the route, as I had explained the route now comprised Bickerton Hill, Brown Knowl and Harthill, before descending into Tattenhall. George’s response was that he knew the way to Alison’s
So it was that I pushed on, unbeknown to me that both ST & Andy had set off, a few seconds later, in pursuit. Before I left I reminded George to ride over Bickerton Hill (my name for my all time favourite small hill) meant a left turn at the Holy Trinity Church, with it’s slightly moody gothic revival architecture. However, George’s carefully hatched plan to mutiny the ride and drag the reputation of all into the toilet had succeeded, as they got to the cafe before we did, despite both ST & I busting a gut to get there, only to find them already enjoying their coffee. No doubt, the more honourable readers of this blog, can imagine how devastated both ST & I were, after such deceit. ST was inconsolable at the complete lack of shame shown by the rest of the group - Lol Lol Lol.
After a quick look at the menu, ST suddenly realised Andy was missing. Of course, the mutineers, hadn’t noticed, claiming that they thought he had ridden on with us (of course they would - Lol). 10 minutes later, in came Andy. It turns out he had set off, just after ST did, but neither of us knew. I had put my head down and max chat. However, when I looked back after a mile or so, I saw ST 100 mtrs behind. I sat up & waited, but there was no sign of Andy, so we cracked on together, not realising Andy was chasing us. He then missed us turning left at the church, in order to climb Bickerton Hill (Goldford Lane - Lol) He then added a couple of extra miles to the route in trying to catch and find us, unlike the rest of the mutineers, who simply rode straight on over Harthill, thus cutting out said hill and a couple of warm miles. There just isn’t any honour in cycling anymore - Lol Lol.
Once the shameless excuses were over, the lunch conversation continued in a rather frenzied fashion as Andy arrived 10 mins in and DH was into his customary phone call (the usual life baggage getting in the way of his day off - Lol). This did not go amiss with both Ray and George, who possibly coined the phrase ‘life baggage’ or was that me - Lol. Not sure I have seen such frenzied frivolity at a CER lunch before -Lol Lol. It was then no surprise to hear the group renege on my proposed follow on ride, offering to wing a few more miles, being as the rain had not arrived.
No doubt, readers, you can guess who lead that revolt, yes, good old George - Lol.
So it was, that DH headed home to baby sit the elephant and the rest jumped into their cars except Andy of course, who had his customary trek home to Mold. I had a mile to get home, not before DH tried to frighten the life out of me with his Postman Pat car horn- Lol.
A most enjoyable day with a good bit of banter. However, only 34 miles on my Garmin and even less for the mutineers of course (roughly 29 miles- Lol).
See route map and/or gpx file download
Till next time gents, Neil.
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